3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
