and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
