ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You ruined the universe
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
