Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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