Whod you bang
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize