I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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