I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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