All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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