so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
