She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
