think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
