Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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