Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
