If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
