I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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