You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Randomize