the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
