It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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