I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
