After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
