Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
