When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
