I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
