There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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