non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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