the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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