She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
