I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
