the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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