Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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