I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The air was thick with penises
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize