I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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