I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
