i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
