i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
