so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
