i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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