69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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