so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
