He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize