Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
