I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
