Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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