Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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