Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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