I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
