It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
