i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
soo... how was my night?
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