Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
