Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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