Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
