then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
