Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
