I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
