in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
