No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
