Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
