Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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