Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
