I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize