i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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