My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
