so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
