Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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