I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
