last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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