I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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