Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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