Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize