Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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