Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
