omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
