Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize