Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
